A Letter to my Husband

  My Love, The lights were always dim. My IV pole machine lit a tiny sliver of green on the waxed fourth floor as you lifted your contorted body from the visitor’s chair at 3 AM. Leaving sleep in your eyes, you unplugged my machine, tied my blue hospital gown, lifted me out of the […]

Stronger by Now

I thought I’d be stronger by now. When I was sitting in a hospital bed in the infusion clinic, my skin pale and puffed with Taxol, Cisplatin, and Carboplatin, I looked forward to warm weather. Cancer tried to take me as the weather grew cold, and I knew my horizon was among the budding flowers […]

Staying the Course

This was the moment. My feet dug into the Atlantic sand among the infant clams burying their bodies back under the protection of the waves. An 80 degree breeze hoisted my four dollar kite into the air and momentarily eclipsed the sun as its shadow danced on rainbow canopies and sun kissed bodies. I finally […]

Nightmare

I had a nightmare yesterday. Well, I guess you could call it more of a day-mare since it was during my nap after work. I climbed into bed with my Little Man; his body faced toward me as we dozed off. In my dream, I was with a good friend and one other woman. Both […]

Toolbox

When people ask me about my darkest moment during the last year and through treatment, I know exactly when it was. It was a week night and Kevin was relaxing in the living room playing his basketball game. Shiloh was fast asleep in the crib, which at the time was in the corner of our […]

Kindness

It was my fault. I quickly turned on my right blinker to turn on the next exit to make a loop to go back on the highway since I missed the exit for Willard rd for church. We were already behind and service started a minute and a half ago. As we rolled into the […]

Baby Clothes

I cried again yesterday. After having a great day at work and getting some writing done, I settled on the couch in our living room. Shiloh was already in bed, and I was beginning to put together a shadowbox together for him – an idea I got from a friend on Facebook. I laid out […]

Reset

Two weeks ago I sat in the dark on the floor in my son’s room with my back against his crib. My knees were curled up to my chest as the screen on my phone made figuresĀ on the ceiling. My husband’s supporting shoulder was next to mine but all I could feel was the weakness […]