Circus Monkeys

Somedays, I feel like the ringmaster standing center stage and directing all the monkeys and tigers with a scarlet baton.  I wave the directions towards hoops and stages, then bow when the show is over without a hitch as the crowd cheers for an encore. Then there are days like Friday, when I am not […]

Orange Peanuts

I regretted getting the wrong cart. It squeaked and stuttered on the waxy floors of the grocery store. Shiloh jerked the wheel of the plastic car attached to the front of the cart, speeding his way to an imaginary finish line. “Koom Koom!” he cried, announcing to the other shoppers that he was speeding down […]

Nine – On loss and found

As a writer and mother who can no longer have any more, it is my deep grieving responsibility to tell stories. Since the moment I saw the double lines on a pregnancy stick, I’ve encountered incredible women who have pressed on through heartbreaking circumstances. I am every, and all, and none of these women. This is a tribute to […]

Tell you everything else

A few days ago when I was checking my email, a name which is always attached to both my surgery record, diagnosis, and chemo regimen was in the inbox, Dr. Stephanie Wethington. Though I’ve had countless doctors and nurses treat me, it all began with her saving my life during surgery and separating my body […]

It’s okay –

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve started and stopped too many blog posts in my head and deleted them with my imaginary blinking cursor. I’ve come home from teaching with the intention of creating something – soap, art, writing, anything at all – but I end up only creating a me sized impression on […]

Calling

I love to feel busy. It’s the way I feel some purpose and how I also battle creeping depression. I have fervor for creating new hobbies and goals – novel writing, soap making, my YouTube channel – I’ll be making organic lip balm tonight. I’m constantly looking at my calendar for the next deadline: Shiloh’s […]

Crossing the Finish Line

My legs were burning but behind and before me were other women’s cancer survivors. I had never been in one place with so many other like me – others with missing organs, pink scars, quick beating hearts, and warm breaths floating through the cold drizzling rain. An older woman we passed half a mile back […]

Alphabet Soup

All three of our noses are identical – rubbed pink by Puffs tissues. Not to be dramatic, but I’m pretty sure a third of the trash we will put out on the curb tonight for the 7:30 AM pick up will be soiled tissues. For the last few days, our little family of three has […]

Plastic Wheels and Birthday Cake

Shiloh was determined. With Curious George at his side, his plump toes barely brushed the carpet in our living room, but his hands jerked the plastic wheel left and right. He knew how to steer, just not how to go forward. He will have to wait until his legs grow a bit longer. The rest […]

Help

I remembered her office as I sat down on the upholstered tan couch. Ana’s blue square wall wrap with white flowers is something I would put in my own house. But I’m not in my own house, I’m sitting in her office with a whirl of emotions. I don’t even know how I got here. […]