Like many Virginians this weekend, I got home on Friday to find several yellow-eyed dandelions eyeballing me from the front lawn of our townhome. The day before I spent near an hour wearing a pair of red palmed gloves strangling those yellow weeds and pulling them out of the grass and the flower bed where crimson tulips were trying to kiss the sun.
Frustrated, I dropped my work bag into the house and grabbed the green garden fork. Just the day before, I was sure I ripped all of them out and was shocked to see how deep some of the roots curled around tulips and green grass. The ground was loose and moist from the night’s light rain, and I easily pulled the remaining four or five dandelions. The last skinny white root slipped out of the ground taking a newly sprouted spring tulip with it. At first, I didn’t realize the loss of the tulip. I finished placing the weed in the pile with its fellows and saw the uprooted bulb lying on the concrete sidewalk to the house. The sweet tulip was too damaged to replant.
On Saturday night, I swung my arm wide to wake Kevin up several times in the middle of the night. It was a nightmare again. In my dream, cancer came back to claim my life, and I asked my dad if I died this time, what color he would remember me as. He said a bright and vibrant yellow. After Kevin woke up and prayed for me in the twilight hours, I realized I needed to metaphorically uproot the fear was lying dormant in me. I dismiss it like I do the dandelions – harmless and seemingly bright above ground. I rename fear “concern” or “caution” and obsess over them, but the uninhibited dreams keep telling me otherwise. It’s run deeper than I thought.
As I move toward working more with Teal45 and trying to encourage others to keep moving forward in spite of cancer’s greedy hands, I first need to take the time to uproot the weeds which are strangling my peace and faith. It’s not pleasant. Sometimes I get caught up in the fear of what I pulled out more than the relief of the extraction to the healthy soil. Keeping my spiritual and emotional garden healthy takes daily maintenance which is daily work. I need to uproot fearful mindsets which don’t align with how I pushed through chemo with scripture. I need to rip out habits or situations which are not feeding the soil of my heart with the right nutrients. Then, I need to make sure I’m getting full sunlight daily in order to make sure my environment and what I’m feeding myself spiritually is conducive to a healthy and bold life.
Time to do some gardening!
Matthew 13:24-30 New International Version (NIV)- The Parable of the Weed
24 Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. 25 But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. 26 When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.
27 “The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’ 28 “‘An enemy did this,’ he replied. “The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’ 29 “‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. 30 Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First, collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’”