Processing the Tumor

My body doubled over in the English workroom. I felt like I couldn’t breathe or think or see as I kept asking my sister-in-law over the phone, “What do I do?” My throat choked on tears and phlegm as I desperately said, “I can’t do chemo again.”   In front of me on an unexplained […]

I am NOT a number 

It’s CT scan time to confirm the cancer didn’t come back from my last one which confirmed I’m cancer free in March. The mocha flavored barium is swirling in my stomach where coffee usually sits at this time of day. I choked it down as I sat on the bathroom floor this morning since I […]

Tomorrow 

It’s mostly numb. I didn’t even notice until yesterday. You’d think I would know exactly all the parts of my body, the parts I have left, that work by now with specialists and oncologists always checking on me. I ran my fingers along the fading pink line on my stomach, tracing my survival and recovery, […]

Help

I remembered her office as I sat down on the upholstered tan couch. Ana’s blue square wall wrap with white flowers is something I would put in my own house. But I’m not in my own house, I’m sitting in her office with a whirl of emotions. I don’t even know how I got here. […]

Turning the Key

Slip Slip – Fall Get Up Slip Slip – Fall Get Up Slip Slip – Shiloh took his first steps – tottering on two wobbly legs on beige carpet. We were both there. Kevin and I cooed and awed while absorbing the moment. Eleven months after our lives crashed into the iceberg – relentlessly frigid […]